I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
