im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
