when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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