the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
