it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
