she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are two peas in an std pod
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
