So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
