He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
