Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
