i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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