You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
