Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
