my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
