If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
