So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
