i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
