So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
