Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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