ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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