Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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