My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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