You can't special order awesome
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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