Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
