did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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