Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
