Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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