...so i touched it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
