Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
