She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
