So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
