whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dick very happy bro
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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