There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
