New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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