You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you traded sex for a burrito?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
