I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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