my mouth tastes like poor choices
home. puking in laundry basket.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
