i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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