just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A bitchslap is in order.
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