Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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