We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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