We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i've created a new STD.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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