This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
