i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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