I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
