ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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