Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
