I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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