I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
