That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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