Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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