You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
