I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
