after a month anything with tits is on the radar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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